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Sunday’s Jokes 2021-07-18

 

Some say laughter is the best medicine, so, on Sundays, we post some jokes to hopefully brighten your day. – Editorial Team

 

A homeless man walks into a diner with enough change for a cup of coffee. 
Seated next to him at the counter, was a well-dressed man with a bowl of 
chili in front of him. A few minutes later, finishing his cup of coffee, 
the homeless man begins to notice that the stranger next to him is not 
eating his chili, but rather just staring at it, looking confused and 
disoriented. Not having eaten in two days, the homeless man asks the 
stranger: "Sir, I'm cold and hungry and haven't eaten in days. If you're 
not going to eat your chili, do you mind if I have it?" With little 
acknowledgement, the stranger simply shoves the bowl in his direction. 
Minutes later, the homeless man, having nearly finished the entire bowl of 
chili, discovers, in the bottom of the bowl - a small pile of dog turds. 
Immediately, the homeless man becomes sick and vomits the chili back into 
the bowl. Finally, the stranger seated next to him turned to him and said 
"I know how you feel, buddy. That's about as far as I got, too."

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At a dinner party, one of the guests, an obnoxiously loud young 
man, tried to make clever remarks about everyone and 
everything.

When he was served a piece of meat, he picked it up with his 
fork, held it up and smirked: 'Is this pig?'

Another guest, sitting opposite, asked quietly: 'Which end of 
the fork are you referring to?'

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"May I take your order?" the waiter asked. 
"Yes, how do you prepare your chickens?" 
"Nothing special sir," he replied. "We just
tell them straight out that they're going to die." 

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Waiter: "How did you find your steak, sir,"? 
Young Man: "Quite accidentally, I assure you. 
I moved that piece of lettuce and there it was." 

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A man walks into a doctor's office. He has a cucumber up his 
nose, a carrot in his left ear and a banana in his right ear.

"What's the matter with me?" he asks the doctor.

The doctor replies, "You're not eating properly."

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An eye-doctor was having his 40th birthday, and gathered lots
of friends and family in his house. His wife had made him a 
surprise cake, and led her husband blindfolded to a table where 
the cake was placed.

Eagerly the doctor removed and looked down on the cake, and 
immediately burst into a crazed laughter, for there in front of 
him was a huge cake, with 40 marzipan eyes!

The guest, asked him why he laughed, and after some minutes 
of laughing and whipping his eyes, the doctor said:

"I'm just thinking of my buddy who will be 50 next week, who is 
a gynecologist!"

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A Short History of Medicine:

I have an earache...

2000 B.C. - Here, eat this root.

1000 A.D. - That root is heathen.  Here, say this prayer.

1850 A.D. - That prayer is superstition.  Here, drink this potion.

1940 A.D. - That potion is snake oil.  Here, swallow this pill.

1985 A.D. - That pill is ineffective.  Here, take this antibiotic.

2000 A.D. - That antibiotic is artificial.  Here, eat this root.

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                           Safest Way to Drive
     
   
Peter Ludwig, a caver from Austria who is appalled by American driving
habits, offers the following advice:

The probability of being involved in a traffic accident is directly
proportional to time spent on the road.  Driving fast decreases one's
exposure.

One third of traffic accidents are caused by drunk drivers; two thirds
are caused by non-drunk drivers.

Therefore, the safest way to drive is drunk and VERY fast.
  

Source: Jokes2Go

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