There but for the love of dogs …..
By Dr. Dawn Macintyre
My mental health was seriously challenged when chronic pain bought me crashing down. I was at my tipping point and I wanted to die – or rather, I didn’t want to live that way anymore.
During another bout of rehab hospitalisation, I finally found a health professional who changed my life with 10 simple words. She sat beside me, and asked two simple questions:
“What do you want Dawn, what do you need”? My answer. “I want to die”. I was so desperate to escape the pain, exhaustion, frustration and total loss of who I was anymore. I felt a burden to my family and friends and after a few years of no respite, I just couldn’t face the future if there was no change in sight. I spent numerous hours unable to leave the house, and often unable to leave the bedroom.
But there were five constants that were my lifeline at the darkest times. My beautiful husband Neil, and 4 amazing oodle companions, Dougal the cute laid back cavoodle, Charlie, our princess spoodle, Barnzy our regal ,sooky, yet food thief labradoodle and Riley are excitable, loving, ADHD groodle. Before I became so debilitated, these guys were not allowed in the bedroom. But they sensed my need for them, my despair and unstated desperation for undemanding company. Try dragging 16 reluctant paws away from the mistress they are so fervently protecting – it was never going to be a happening thing! These guys gave me so much to live for, got my serotonin going as I would watch them play, reach to stroke them and when I could, play with them. They were confused when I got angry if they put any weight on me, the pain causing me to apologetically yell at them, but they were always, always forgiving. They would just find another way to love me.
As I started to improve, I was able to move around a little better and play ball with them outside. We are so lucky to live on acreage and with the grass under my feet and the beauty of our property, being outside with my Oodles was a gift of healing. Four years after my ‘tipping point’ , I was well enough to try and find purpose in life again. Before all of this, I had been working full time and knew I needed something more in my life, a focus away from the pain and maybe out of the house. While I had been confined, I had written four short poems about my beautiful four legged friends, just things they do in an ordinary day and thought I might put one of them together for a book for my grandchildren. I started the journey to find an illustrator -fast forward one year and I had a product of which I was truly proud. I had been able to do all this from home, at a pace I was capable of and it was a wonderful distraction to my pain. My dogs had come to life on stunning, colourful pages. The brightly coloured words of the rhymes danced through the pages as the dogs’ daily lives unfolded. And it didn’t stop there. I wanted to have some form of commitment in my week, find a way to contribute to society again. I discovered the charity Story Dogs whose goal is to improve kids literacy, and I am proud to say that the books have been accepted as part of their reading list. In addition to being available in libraries throughout Australia and in the Story Dogs packs so they reach 1000’s of kids in primary schools, they are also in a range of pet stores throughout the country. Oh, and Dougal is now a trained Story Dog, so we go together into schools to share some great reading experiences.
My four beautiful guys give me purpose, strength and now also provide beautiful reading opportunities for kids all over Australia. On the days when I can walk in the mornings, I proudly take the little ones while Neil walks the big boys. The fact I can now walk and play with them provides me with immense joy and gratitude for all they continue to give me.
I have since written a book about my experience ‘Living with Chronic Pain – From OK to Despair and Finding My Way Back Again’. I am also back to working as a clinical counsellor and now work as a chronic pain behaviourist.
Dr Dawn Macintyre
PhD, MPH, BH(hons) Education and Psychology, MACA (Clinical) Adjunct Professional Fellow, Southern Cross University Author, Clinical Counsellor, Professional Supervisor, Speaker, Chronic Pain Behaviourist.
Email: [email protected]
Phone number: +61 0417 633 977
Photo Credits: Dr. Dawn Macintyre