Some say laughter is the best medicine, so, on Sundays, we post some jokes to hopefully brighten your day. – Editorial Team. Please note that Sunday’s jokes is no longer archived and is updated every week.
A little girl and a little boy were at day care one day. The girl
approaches the boy and says, "Hey Tommy, wanna play
house?"
He says, "Sure! What do you want me to do?"
The girl replies, "I want you to communicate your thoughts."
"Communicate my thoughts?" said a bewildered Tommy. "I
have no idea what that means."
The little girl smirks and says, "Perfect. You can be the
husband."
Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
Because a woman who can't afford a washing machine will never be able to
support you.
Why do women have smaller feet than men?
So they can stand closer to the kitchen sink.
The doctor had just completed his examination of the
gorgeous redhaired beauty.
"I would suggest to you, young lady," began the medic,
as he regained som of his professional dignity,
"that you discontinue some of your running around.
Stop drinking so much, cut down on your smoking, and
above all you will have to start eating properly and
getting to bed early."
Then, as a pleasant afterthought, he added: "Why not
have dinner with me tonight? I'll see to it that you
have the proper food and that you'll be in bed by 9:00!"
I've got trouble with the wife again - she came into the bar
looking for me and I asked for her number.
The medics rush Mr. Steinberg to the hospital in the middle of
the night, apparently with a massive heart attack. The doctors
work on him all night and morning and finally discharge him to
ICU, where therapy continues.
In a couple of days Mr. Steinberg's physician comes into his
room and says, "Sol, I'm happy to tell you that you are
completely well. You have the heart function that you did when
you were a fifteen-year-old lad. We're going to send you home
tomorrow. You don't have to worry about your heart; do any
physical exercise that you like."
Mr. Steinberg goes home and that evening is talking with his
wife: "Doris, you'll never believe it: I'm completely well. I have no
worries with my heart. Tonight, Darling, you and I are going to
make love like you've never had before, wild, passionate
sex....you'll love it!"
Doris thinks for a minute and says, "I don't know, Sol. I've heard
about active sex and heart conditions. I don't want it to be on
my head if you croak while we are making love. Maybe, just
maybe, if your doctor wrote a note to me saying that everything
was OK... maybe I would have such sex with you...."
Mr. Steinberg was dejected, but the next day he was in his
doctor's office; his doctor tells him, "Sure, sure, Sol, no
problem, I'll write the note. Let's see, here's my prescription
pad: "Mr. Sol Steinberg, a patient of mine, has the heart
function of a fifteen-year-old lad and can have mad, passionate,
adventurous sex any time that he so desires, signed, Dr. Aaron
Katz....... Now, I'll just address this.......By the way, Sol, what's
your wife's first name?"
"Uh, Doctor, could you just make that, 'To Whom It May
Concern"?
A young couple decided to wed. As the big day approached,
they grew apprehensive. Each had a problem they had never
before shared with anyone, not even each other.
The Groom-to-be, overcoming his fear, decided to ask his father
for advice. "Father," he said, "I am deeply concerned about the
success of my marriage."
His father replied, "Don't you love this girl?"
"Oh yes, very much," he said," but you see, I have very smelly
feet, and I'm afraid that my fiance will be put off by them."
"No problem," said dad, "all you have to do is wash your feet as
often as possible,and always wear socks, even to bed." Well,
to him this seemed a workable solution.
The bride-to-be, overcoming her fear, decided to take her
problem up with her mom." Mom," she said, "When I wake up
in the morning my breath is truly awful."
"Honey," her mother consoled, "everyone has bad breath in the
morning."
"No, you don't understand,. My morning breath is so bad, I'm
afraid that my fiance will not want to sleep in the same room
with me."
Her mother said simply, "Try this. In the morning, get straight
out of bed, and head for the kitchen and make breakfast. While
the family is busy eating, move on to the bathroom and brush
your teeth. The key is, not to say a word until you've brushed
your teeth."
"I shouldn't say good morning or anything?" the daughter
asked.
"Not a word," her mother affirmed.
"Well, it's certainly worth a try," she thought.
The loving couple were finally married. Not forgetting the advice
each had received, he with his perpetual socks and she with
her morning silence, they managed quite well. That is, until
about six months later. Shortly before dawn one morning, the
husband wakes with a start to find that one of his socks had
come off. Fearful of the consequences, he frantically searches
the bed. This, of course, wakes his bride and without thinking,
she asks, "What on earth are you doing?"
"Oh, my," he replies, "you've swallowed my sock!"
The man approached the very beautiful woman in the large
supermarket and asked, "You know, I've lost my wife here
in the supermarket. Can you talk to me for a couple of
minutes?"
"Why?"
"Because every time I talk to a a beautiful woman my wife
appears out of nowhere."
As US tourists in Israel, a man and his wife were sitting outside
a Bethlehem souvenir shop, waiting for fellow tourists. An Arab
salesman approached them carrying belts.
After an impassioned sales talk yielded no results, he asked
where they were from.
"America," the husband replied.
Looking at her dark hair and olive skin, the Arab responded.
"She's not from the States."
"Yes I am." said the wife. He looked at her and asked. "Is he
your husband?" "Yes." she replied.
Turning to the husband, he offered..... "I'll give you 100 camels
for her." The husband looked stunned, and there was a long
silence. Finally he replied, "she's not for sale."
After the salesman left, the somewhat indignant wife asked her
husband what took him so long to answer, to which the
husband replied, "I was trying to figure out how to get 100
camels back home."
A jealous husband hires a private detective to check up on his wife. The husband tells the
detective, he wants both a written account and as many videos of her in any kind of
compromising situations as the man can get.
Two weeks later the detective calls the man and tells him he has all the evidence he needs.
They make an appointment for a meeting. The two of them are sitting there watching the videos.
The man sees his wife meeting another man, then the two of them are walking in the park
laughing. Another series shows her with a different man laughing and dancing. All together, he
watches a dozen or so different activities, each with a different man, each time both she and
the man are sharing obvious utter glee.
"Amazing," said the shocked husband, "simply amazing ! I just can't believe it."
"What can't you believe ?" asked the detective, "It's all right there for you to see, plus I
have all the times and dates in my log."
"I know, I know!" said the man, still in shock, "I just can't believe my wife could be that
much fun."
Source: Jokes2Go